Working with other people is hard – for a variety of reasons. One of the promises of working together is that you can help each other to get things done. One of the biggest obstacles to doing this is not sharing a brain. Asking for clarity helps you avoid the trap of only thinking you know what someone wants. But all too often, when someone asks you for help or wants to delegate something to you, you can find yourself playing “Bring Me a Rock.”
The Game of “Bring Me a Rock”
There’s a classic story about how delegation goes wrong. It starts with your boss saying, “You’re one of my best employees. I know I can count on you. I’m swamped right now, so I need you to take care of something for me.” “Absolutely,” you reply. “What do you need?” Your boss says, “Bring me a rock.”
Flattered by this compliment and the trust your boss is demonstrating in you, you say, “Sure,” and off you go. Of course, now that you’re thinking about it, you realize there are a lot of different kinds of rocks out there. You haven’t paid much attention to rocks before, so you spend a few hours researching geology online. You decide that the defining qualities of a rock are that it is big and heavy. Looking around for the biggest, heaviest rock you can carry, you find a broken piece of concrete about the size of your head. “This seems like a good rock,” you say.
You bring your discovery back to your boss, expecting gratitude and a raise. But rather than being thankful, your boss is irritated. “No, not that rock. It’s way too big,” your boss says. “And why did it take you so long? Bring me a better rock, and you better make it quick.” So, three minutes later, you are back with some pea gravel. “No, no, those are too small,“ your boss says, even angrier now. “Don’t you know anything about rocks?” Your boss walks outside and returns a few minutes later with a square, flat rock just slightly thicker than your thumb… which your boss then uses to shim the leg of the table in the corner so it doesn’t wobble. “See?” says your boss, pointing at the rock. “This is why delegation doesn’t work. It’s just faster to do it myself.”
Your Part in the Game
Now, it would be great if your manager gave you an unambiguous specification of what an acceptable rock would look like. Often, they don’t do this because it’s so clear in their mind that they don’t realize you don’t know it. Sometimes, it’s because they’re worried about being called a micromanager. Sometimes, it’s a combination of both of these – plus, they’re rushed and overwhelmed.
Even when your manager starts this game, you also play a part in it. By not clarifying what good (and bad) looks like, you contribute to a situation that frustrates both of you. There are many reasons why you might do this. You might not realize they’re asking you to bring them a rock. It might be obvious to you what they need, so you go and do it… only to discover what was “obvious” to both of you isn’t at all the same thing. Or you might realize the request is ambiguous, but you don’t want to admit that you don’t know what they want. Regardless of how and why you end up in this situation, the only way out o
Some Moves Available To You
Regardless of how and why you end up in this situation, I’ve found a few techniques for getting out of it. First, let the other person know that the reason you’re asking for more clarity is to help them. You want them to know that you are trying to be helpful and you have their best interests at heart. This could sound like, “I want to be sure I’m clear on what you need so that I handle it correctly. Can I ask some clarifying questions to make sure we’re on the same page?” Saying something like this often goes a long way toward diffusing any irritation your manager may have about your requests for clarity.
Second, rather than ask questions about the steps they want you to take, ask about the constraints on the outcome. For example, instead of asking, “How do you want me to get the rock?” you can ask:
- What does the rock need to do?
- What’s important about that?
- What would a good rock look like?
- What would a bad rock look like?
- Are there any things I shouldn’t do to get the rock?
- What options for getting the rock I might not be aware of?
These questions help to reveal conflicting assumptions that each of you is making. Also, if they have to give you step-by-step instructions for how to do what they’re asking, it probably isn’t saving them much time. When you work to develop a shared understanding of what success looks like – rather than asking for steps to take – you’re demonstrating an interest in helping them succeed.
Third, ask questions that express your assumptions about what they need and what you should do so they can either confirm or invalidate those assumptions. Some examples:
- “I’m guessing you need the rock today. Is that true?”
- “I’m assuming that you need to be able to easily move the rock yourself, yes?”
- “I shouldn’t spend more than a dollar on this rock, right?”
By sharing your perspective and assumptions, you’re again demonstrating that you’re actively engaged in the process. You’re partnering with your manager on this work, which is a way of managing up.
The Only Winning Move Is Not To Play
Following this advice can sound like a lot of work. Getting the right level of clarity doesn’t have to take a long time. You’re not trying to get a detailed specification. The goal is to develop enough of a shared understanding to be able to operate independently. Spending just a few minutes can save hours of frustration – particularly if you practice this technique regularly.
Here’s a real-life example involving Jake Calabrese and me.
Jake: Can you find a new supplier for our fidget spinners? The place we ordered them from before doesn’t carry them anymore, and I’m teaching and traveling for the next three weeks.
Paul: Sure… I want to make sure I understand what we need so that I don’t order the wrong thing. I’m guessing we’d like another batch of 250 at roughly the same price per unit as the last batch.
Jake: That’s right. We could probably spend about 10% more than last time, and it wouldn’t be a big deal. Also, we going to run out in about six weeks, so we’ll need someone who can get us that 250 by then.
Paul: Ok, so if we don’t have them in two months, we’ll have to leave them out of the student packets for future classes. I see why you don’t want to wait until you’re done traveling to deal with this. Anything else I should know?
Jake: You know, thinking about the cost again… The problem with that last batch is that they didn’t spin very well. I like using them for timers during class. I’d love it if we could find ones that would spin for at least 90 seconds. That would definitely be worth spending a little more for. Maybe like 20% more.
Paul: Ah, that makes sense. How about I get samples from three suppliers that can hit the price point we want in the time we need and test them to see how well they spin?
Jake: Yeah, that would be great. Can you do that by next week?
Paul: I’ve got time this afternoon to look into suppliers. I’ll let you know what I find.
Jake: Cool. Let me know.
I didn’t make up this example. This exchange is a slightly edited version of a conversation we had in 10 minutes over Slack. Five weeks later, Jake had a box of fidget spinners he was happy with. Jake isn’t my boss, but this is no different from how I’ve approached these types of conversations with managers in the past.
As I’ve said many times, “Bring Me a Rock” is one of my least favorite games. Taking advantage of moves you have available to you is the best way to avoid playing it.
