“I want to be a people manager, but I don’t want to manage people.”
We’ve never worked with anyone who has said this quite this clearly. Still, some managers we’ve worked with have been ambivalent about the work of management. They have been reluctant to use the authority that comes along with their role. This attitude is understandable, given how little emphasis we’ve seen in organizations on helping managers use it productively and humanely. It’s also problematic. When managers don’t fully inhabit their role, they struggle (and often fail) to set clear expectations, to give productive feedback, to communicate and sponsor effective change, and to support their managers.
For a long time, “managing up” rubbed me the wrong way. The way that people frequently used the phrase brought to mind judgment, manipulation, and deception. It seemed rooted in a belief that your manager didn’t understand how work got done. Just as I thought “stakeholder management” involved carefully controlling your messaging to always make yourself look good, I believed that managing up was fundamentally unethical.
Saying someone is a manager tells you little about what they do or where they spend their time. Different companies lay out these duties differently; managers within the same company (or department) sometimes have vastly different jobs. As a manager, having mismatched expectations about your role – particularly with your boss and peers – can have unfortunate results.
Conflict is a challenging topic for many people to navigate. It’s a natural part of working together in groups, yet in the midst of it, it can feel terribly dysfunctional. There’s no shortage of ideas about how to work through it, and t
“We don’t have time for a retrospective. We have ‘real work’ to do.”
Some of my most spectacular failures working with teams have come from going deeper than I needed to. One particularly memorable retrospective ended with a product manager declaring, “I’m done talking about my feelings.” (It was not my finest moment.) Yes, organizations are made of people. And yes, work happens inside a container of relationships. But that doesn’t mean every attempt to address a team or organizational problem must be super deep. Choosing the depth at which to intervene is critical for every manager, consultant, and coach.
“I don’t understand products vs. projects. What’s the difference?”
