Telling someone something they don’t want to hear is never fun. When someone points out a problem causing them real pain, you likely want to do something about it – particularly if you’re their manager. Saying no to when someone asks you to fix something is often a necessary part of a manager’s job.
In the first two parts of this series, I’ve looked at ways that managers can take action in response to complaints. There are times, however, when you either can’t or choose not to make a change. Handling these situations well is a hallmark of good managers. Over the years, the people I’ve seen do this well have two things in common. When they are saying no to a request for a fix, they acknowledge the impact of the problem and share the context for the decision to do nothing.
Doing Nothing Successfully
In 2015, I was working for a software company experiencing hockey-stick growth and all of the associated growing pains. The company was doing well – we’d just had a successful IPO – but there were challenges. We were onboarding new developers almost every week, and our building was bursting at the seams.
Facilities issues are always fertile ground for cultivating complaints, and this was no exception. The loudest grumbling was about waiting in line for the men’s bathroom. People complained that they were often late to meetings because there weren’t enough stalls. Suggestions to allow more time to use the bathroom before meetings were met with further grumbling.
This low-level rumbling continued for months, with no apparent management reaction. This lack of response made the situation worse. I knew the VP of Engineering hoped things would quiet down after the summer interns left. Instead, people took it as a sign that management didn’t care. The complaints got louder until they eventually appeared in the annual employee engagement survey. Management couldn’t stay silent anymore.
Finally, at an all-hands meeting for product development, someone asked the VP of Engineering, “When are you going to expand the bathroom?” In response, he did two things. First, he acknowledged the impact that the current situation was having. He said, “I’ve talked with many of you, and I know you’re annoyed. You feel like you’re wasting time by having to wait. It’s making you late to meetings, which is irritating your teammates. And you’re frustrated with me because I haven’t addressed this yet.”
He paused at this point, and there was a lot of nodding. Then, the VP continued. “As some of you know, I don’t want to make promises I can’t keep, and I don’t like to distract people with things they can’t do anything about. That’s why I haven’t said much about this until now.” He then explained that he’d been working with the owner of the building to understand our options. Expanding the bathroom was possible – if we removed the shower. He had hoped they could repurpose a utility space across the hallway from the bathroom into a replacement shower. He talked with the landlord, the facilities manager, and several plumbers. In the end, the landlord decided it was too complicated and costly.
“So,” the VP concluded, “we could do this, but we’d lose the showers. Who wants me to do that?” He paused again. No one raised a hand. We all knew that at least half of the people in the office used the shower at least once a week. Some people biked to the office in the morning; others worked out or played sports over lunch. If we didn’t use the shower ourselves, at least one of our teammates did.
“Ok,” said the VP. “I’m going to stop looking into it.” And the issue went away. People stopped complaining. Perhaps even more surprising, many of them adjusted their habits to plan for longer wait times for the bathroom.
Acknowledge Impact and Share Context
What the VP did demonstrates both elements I believe are crucial for managers saying no to a request to fix something. Many conflicts stem from the parties having different information. When we’re not working from the same data, it makes sense that we come to different conclusions. Both techniques help reduce those information asymmetries while also addressing the emotions involved.
First, giving an effective “no” to a request requires acknowledging the impact of the current situation – and the “no” – on the person making it. If I’m bringing a complaint to my manager, I have a clear picture of how it affects me and what the impacts are. If my manager can tell me why I’m bringing this up – and I agree with that description – we’re more likely to have a shared awareness of the problem. In addition to improving our common understanding, it helps me to feel heard. When people know they’ve been heard, they are more willing to accept a situation they don’t like.
Second, you are much less likely to generate resentment by saying “no” when the person making the request knows how the decision was made. Managers who do this well share the context for the decision – which they likely know more about than the person raising the complaint. As the story about the bathroom demonstrates, when people understand the factors at play in a decision, they’re more likely to understand a decision they don’t like, increasing their ability to tolerate it.
The coda to the bathroom story is that the following year, a new engineer going through our onboarding process said, “It would be nice if they expanded the bathrooms.” Another engineer replied, “Yeah, it would, but they’d have to get rid of the showers to do that.” The new person responded, “Oh, okay. That makes sense.”
Options for Addressing Complaints
Responding to complaints is never a fun part of the manager’s job. When done poorly, the response itself becomes a further thing to complain about. Over the three parts of this series, I’ve shared five useful approaches that I’ve seen managers use to address complaints.
- Decide and Act
- Announce Intent and Manage Up
- Advocate and Seek Support
- Embrace the Constraint
- Acknowledge Impact, Share Context, and Say No
Using these requires understanding the limits of your authority and influence and being willing to engage both when appropriate. As a manager, you need different skills to use each technique. Developing the ability to use the right approach in the right situation helps you address complaints without getting overwhelmed.
